The dark side of same-sex marriage media doesn’t tell you about

Over at the Public Discourse, the site recently featured Janna Darnelle’s testimony about how her husband came out as gay, divorced her and the subsequent fallout. It stands in direct contradiction to the rosy narrative same-sex marriage advocates pander, a story journalists have gobbled up without properly vetting. It’s a lie of omission they’ve been all too happy to tell.


Our divorce was not settled in mediation or with lawyers. No, it went all the way to trial. My husband wanted primary custody of our children. His entire case can be summed up in one sentence: ‘I am gay, and I deserve my rights.’ It worked: the judge gave him practically everything he wanted. At one point, he even told my husband, ‘If you had asked for more, I would have given it to you.’

I truly believe that judge was legislating from the bench, disregarding the facts of our particular case and simply using us — using our children — to help influence future cases. In our society, LGBT citizens are seen as marginalized victims who must be protected at all costs, even if it means stripping rights from others. By ignoring the injustice committed against me and my children, the judge seemed to think that he was correcting a larger injustice.

My husband had left us for his gay lover. They make more money than I do. There are two of them and only one of me. Even so, the judge believed that they were the victims. No matter what I said or did, I didn’t have a chance of saving our children from being bounced around like so many pieces of luggage.

The fact Darnelle, the children’s biological mother, lost custody of her own children when she did nothing to warrant losing them is chilling. This anecdote shows the oft-peddled claim, “How does allowing gay couples to marry affect your (heterosexual) marriage?” as vacuous. By redefining marriage, it alters who the law recognizes as legal parents. If a type of union between individuals is infertile, by its nature, is elevated in status to be on par in legal jurisprudence to the type of union that is, the vast majority of time, fertile, then blood ties, the biological connection between parent and child that is recognized by law as the adhesive that formulates families, becomes irrelevant. The implication of legalizing same-sex marriage is that the state does not have to recognize that genetic bond. In the sight of the law, mothers and fathers become optional. Familial bonds become strictly social constructions with no basis in objectivity, which makes it much easier for the state to meddle in domestic affairs. In other words, by advocating for same-sex marriage, you are advocating for the dissolution of a buffer zone that keeps the government out of your home, the means of taking away your children from you. Yep, saying “yes” to the illusory right to marriage is saying “no” to children having the real right to be raised by their biological parents. Darnelle is an example that this alleged slippery slope is quickly becoming legal precedent in reality.

A second and equally pivotal excerpt:

USA Today did a photo journal shoot on my ex and his partner, my children, and even the grandparents. I was not notified that this was taking place, nor was I given a voice to object to our children being used as props to promote same-sex marriage in the media…

…After our children’s pictures were publicized, a flood of comments and posts appeared. Commenters exclaimed at how beautiful this gay family was and congratulated my ex-husband and his new partner on the family that they “created.” But there is a significant person missing from those pictures: the mother and abandoned wife. That “gay family” could not exist without me.

There is not one gay family that exists in this world that was created naturally.

Every same-sex family can only exist by manipulating nature. Behind the happy façade of many families headed by same-sex couples, we see relationships that are built from brokenness. They represent covenants broken, love abandoned, and responsibilities crushed. They are built on betrayal, lies, and deep wounds.

This is also true of same-sex couples who use assisted reproductive technologies such as surrogacy or sperm donation to have children. Such processes exploit men and women for their reproductive potential, treat children as products to be bought and sold, and purposely deny children a relationship with one or both of their biological parents. Wholeness and balance cannot be found in such families, because something is always missing. I am missing. But I am real, and I represent hundreds upon thousands of spouses who have been betrayed and rejected.

Yes, people, this issue is a matter of social justice, but not in the way it’s portrayed by journalists. Same-sex marriage advocates are waging war against women and children. Unless there’s a divorce and adoption — both of which are messy affairs — third-party reproduction is always involved in the establishment of a same-sex household, but to coax this family into existence, wombs must be rented out, sperm must be collected like milk and children are commoditized. I hope such methods are seen for what they actually are, obviously and unequivocally depraved.

Please, take Darnelle’s words, experience and tragedy into your consideration on this matter.

My thoughts and prayers are with her,

Modus Pownens


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